Goodbye

I have been in doubt about if I should post this blog or not, but since it is something that occupies my head and heart, and since these people deserve the memory, I decided to share these thoughts with the internet anyway. Privacy is an illusion isn’t it? And life is not always that positive wave I like to ride so much. However, even the tears have a way of bringing warmth.

Last weeks I lost three people that I have kept in my heart since I met them or re-met them. It all started when a former band mate suddenly died. One of the singers of that band called me to inform me about the sad news and I was flabbergasted. How can one so young just collapse and die a few days later? How is it possible that one so full of life and lust for life is gone? I didn’t really know how to react to the sudden death of this guitarist, since I had not seen or spoken to him for a while. I cried.

And then, on a Saturday afternoon, I was reading the news paper while traveling with public transport. I glanced at a page that I always skip and I recognized a name of a bass player I was in a band with a little while back. “Seriously? This can’t be true!”, was all I thought. Not only thought.. I said it out loud. I picked up my phone and after a short investigation I found out that it was true and it was that bass player. A second  musician who passed away way before his time. Tears started flowing and I could not stop thinking about both Sastra (33) and Wouter (37).

When I arrived at my destination, my father picked me up at the train station. I was in tears. “And there is more sad news. Your great aunt Wies”, is what my father said. The emptiness filled my heart. Wies was a piano player, though, she was not performing for an audience nor for family. Her love for music was inspiring. She was a strong woman with a clear and sharp opinion and a memory that is admirable.

Last Friday I said goodbye to all three of these remarkable music lovers. The entire day I listened to music and thought about their music, about the things we used to talk about and the things that we did together. I call myself lucky that I received so much support all around me. I feel lucky because the music will always be there to remember. Still, when I hear Kraftwerk’s Autobahn or Paramore’s That’s What You Get, I cry. I feel the emptiness that is left. I feel the beauty that these people showed me.

The question why such young people and such a beautiful aunt had to pass away, has crossed my mind, but it is irrelevant. What is relevant – to me – is the realization that everyone I have met in my life has added something to my life. The realization that I indeed won’t forget them. That even though sometimes I don’t speak to people that often, people that I love, I will remember.

It is weird that a day that is covered in music has so many tears and radiates, still, so much love and passion. Every single memory that pops up in my head, inspires me. Every single tune I hear energizes me. It reminds me to open up my mind, never to hold a grudge, to work hard and be positive. It reminds me to live life and enjoy it. It reminds me to be kind to others and to appreciate the positive waves that I can ride. It reminds me of their smiles and their eyes. Their little ways of doing things.

Sastra, Wouter and Wies. Thank you.

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4 Comments to “Goodbye”

  1. lief, mooi en je woorden maken me emotioneel!

  2. I’m sorry for your losses. At the same time I admire your strength and resilience. My thoughts are with you. Hugs

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